wedding ring
“Two woman were having lunch, when one said to the other, Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? To which she responded, yes, that’s cause I married the wrong guy”.
Think about it, by us heimish people, the Shidduchim usually happen, cause the Two families are a match, rather then the couple themselves.
Yes of course, the Rsh Yeshivah said that he is The Best buchor, and she is a 8th grade English teacher, so what can be so bad, I mean after all , his father is very “balebatish” and her father is the biggest baal tzedukah, so what’s the catch? Like people will say “who even needed a shadchan for this shidduch? It’s a “no brainer!”
Well, but when you look at some couples a few years down the road, one will wonder, She is such a nice girl, how did she get some lo yitzlach like this? Or the opposite, he looks like such a decent yingerman, couldn’t he have done better then this yuntch?
It is safe to argue that most of the boys-yes even though they ARE the best boys in yeshivah, after a few (1 or2) years they will have to go to work, so the question is are you setting your daughters life up, for the name that he has in yeshivah while learning? Or would you rather choose someone that you can see a little of the future, like how he will be when he is out of “Kollel”? Will he have a shiur? Will he be nice to his wife? Or will he get excited that he is allowed to drive etc. and wont open a sefer or daven with Minyan and so on.
I honestly feel that a working buchor, you have a better view of how he will be in the future , simply since the change wont be that drastic.
What do you think? And if you agree, would you also admit, when it will boil down to it, you wont take a working boy for your eight grade teacher- daughter? Or would you take the the risk of her wearing the ring on her wrong finger?
posted by Moochy @ 9:50 AM
27 Comments:
Special, do I smell pain?
Special, I would urge you to write a letter to your parents, and post it: (even thoughyou wouldnt send it to them)
I want people to hear it from a girl.
PS are you a teacher?
IAgree definitely, boys that learn in Yeshiva have often little responsibility besiedes their learning, when stepping out of their sheltered world, there's not telling in which direction they'll go.
This also reminds of a (real) story, a guy wanted nothing less than the best bachur for his wonderful daughter.
The Rosh Yeshivah recommended his favorite student as a match.
The two went out and the girl, felt the boy was not right for her.
The father was very upset the Shidduch didn’t come about.
She said, he 's probably the best bachur in Yeshiva, he stays up till late to learn and never misses a minyan, but I need a husband not a Chavrusa!!
mooch
i agree with your point
and i wouldnt take a working boy though thats just how it works
slik
your old self is just screaming out of you
You are very judgemental. You take the liberty to label people with names like "Yitzlach" or "yunch". How do YOU know what the spouse sees in the other?
Many a couple that are both sophisticated, or both at the same level of "yunchness" as you may call it, have had their shares of problems and gotten divorced.
Many couples that seem very different to you, may be perfectly happy.
Anyway, when you write, try to focus on your topic. You are full of thoughts, and complaints, and can't seem to bring them out coherently.
shevy
awesome comment!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shevy is right.
What are you trying to say in your post Mooch? That unless you marry the working boy your marriage will be a mess?
" Think about it, by us heimish people, the Shidduchim usually happen, cause the Two families are a match, rather then the couple themselves".
And if the girl does marry a working boy, will that secure a happy future for her down the road of life? In the real world, the opposite too, is often the case.
You say it yourself, most "learning boys" eventually, sooner rather than later, go to work.
So what exactly is your point?
I think you are combining-confusing two separate issues here.
Shevy:Hoizen:
Sorry if I wasnt getting across so clearly.
I did not label anyone, and of course they can be very happy indeed, no matter what it looks like to an outsider.
Lo Yitzlach and yuntch, i was talking about people who their spouses see them that way.
And no I did not say a working boy does not secure anything, well nothing can secure that, but you know that he wont CHANGE drasticly when he gets married, in other words, you have a better vision of his married and working, rather then someone that will still have to make that change.
YY You are very flexible, see your comment above.
Chillin, good point, as you cant judge a book by its cover, yes you can be happy or unhappy no matter how different you are or look then your spouse.
SHy you came in just in time,
To all commentors above, this is exactly my point, the "peer pressure".
Shy, are you single? and are.were you able to get this point across to your parents?
I agree with Chillin and Shy. Many kollel people are happy (at least as far as i know, and I know some couples pretty well) and the husband does not have to be the biggest like rosh chabura or whatever. They both have to want it and make it real.
The problem is the girls (and the guys too, I think) who like are only doing it because pressure from family, friends, yeshiva, sem or whatever. Then it is wrong and it does no one any good to get married on a false premise. Like people may not 'approve' now, but in the long run, it's you two who will have to live with each other, no one else.
Shalom
I wasnt' being NOT nice, I was stating my opinion. If people that are out to get Mooochy decided to get on to the bandwagon, it isn't my problem. They were not invited.
Moochy - great topic! I remember these debates with my freinds back when I was starting to shidduch date. In a perfect world parents wouldn't pay attention to the package but to the person. In a perfect world....
Moochy...
If you can learn for a few years..then it's such a wonderful experience. While it is true that when you go out into the "real world" thats when you say what the person is really made of..
Shy, Thanx, Please tell us, were you on the same understanding as your parents?
Slik, thank you too, but Yousee, Shevy didnt really say anything bad...so dont jump, ...
Frum girl, are you saying that since we are not in a perfect world, young children may be victims?
David, exactly, therefore if he is already in the world and behaving, your chances are better , dont you think?
Attention all:
I would like to thank all fans/readers/commentors.
I have realized that some have a real nice way of expressing themselves, and with some humor between the lines, which is basically the kind of material I like to post, and I guess , you like to read.
As it turns out, I am ah bisel bit busier then I thought I will be when I initially started blogging, I invite all readers who posses some talent in writing, to e-mail me something for a future post.
At the same time, I think it would be nice if the blog is a little more diversified.
Be creative and make sure it fits for a mooochy post.
PS. The above request does not apply to pervs, idiots, or obnoxious people etc.
Special:
Hey Moochy - How do I know if I fit into your category of :
pervs, idiots, or obnoxious people etc.
?????????
Well, if you are in doubt, do without.
But I believe you know who you are.
ps, I am waiting for your e-mail "self test".
OTD: Welcome aboard
BMG: Thanx, and I like the quote from Rabbi Sh.
BMG & Special, Can I be Shadchan? (or am I too late?)
You totally crack me up..
WOW!
BMG I realized there are other candidates, if Special does not like you !!
Let me know if this turns out to be the first "blog date".
Bald: see thats a seperate issue, since most of the girls that want a "learning husband" are not ready to sacrifice other privileges, since they need it basicly for the name too.
(to all critics , I said most, and that is in our circles)
Special, I think you are doing ok without my e-mail ;)
bull shit
Thank you for visiting my blog.
From what I know of from my learned family whose children went to the Yeshiva, the opportunities are more limiting, but not necessarily terrible. I guess it all depends upon what one wants out of life, looking at it from a long term perspective.
I am not frum, but would love to arrange my children's marriages! I think it is a good idea, since marriages are between families and communities as well, but I know that they would not go for this idea in the least.
Hi Barb!
Human! to proove your point see Barbs comment as she is not frum.
Best regards from NY! » » »
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