When did you feel comfy???
Marriage in our circles are usually arranged, therefore in most cases, you have to learn about each others after you get married, rather then before.There are always hobbies, habits, addictions likes and dislikes, that you would not reveal to your partner over breakfast on the first day of Sheva Bruchois, but wait till you feel comfortable enough to share it with your spouse.
Each and every individual has gotten the "sign" which told them, I think we are "SO into each others " and gave you the assurance and comfort-ability.
At a recent discussion we had with a few couples, we were all laughing hysterically about each others "signs" including your own. (yeah , you will be able to do that after a couple of years down the road). One's sign was, when His wife told him where the cans of tuna were, instead of being served the scoop with the olive on top, while another felt ok, when she invited him to the shower, and the third was simply amazed, when she told him the word "Period".
What was your sign??
posted by Moochy @ 10:37 AM
38 Comments:
After we finally had our first fight, I felt like I was at home
j/k.. I simply don't remember.
Very interesting post...
I can't speak for the arranged type... but I knew she was into me, when she called me to arrange a date.
Usually the guy (or the shadchun)calls the girl thoughout the early stages of dating. But she called me after two dates. She knew I was way into her already, but it was nice to have her call to check in on me and make plans
Ah the 'rules of engagement'... so wierd unless you live in that world. I could never explain it to someone who is not in it. Did you ever try and explain a b'show to a non-frum person or a goy?
Did you ever try and explain a b'show to a non-frum person or a goy?
Oh, please - don't even have to talk about the confusion of the non-frum or a non-jew. The non-chassidish also can not understand it. Even if they know what the process is, its just beyond them.
Oh, I forgot - that after teh fact - its beyond me as well!
Shevy,
The first time I ever heard of the concept of a b'show was from an Indian friend of mine.
He was a 27 yo Hindu and a very successful trader living in America.
He was summoned home to India and 'introduced' to his future wife. His family choose the girl (they did everything we do, like get information on the family, talk to the headmistress at her school etc) for him, and he kinda had to accept.
He met her for 30 min alone, while both parents were preparing a party for the 'engagement'.
He got married a few months later and is still happily married. When I later heard about the chassideshe way, I was not surprised.
I have since learned that this is done in many cultures were dating is frowned upon.
Haha I wonder what euphemisms that poor girl had to use until she was comfortable enough o use the word period:)
Special, Let it be soon, while the blog is around ;)
Special, :Or they outgrew the hassle.
Be Graetfull: I Guess you can say, no sign, is a sign too.
Slik: DUH!!!???
Shevy : You can laugh at it, but it certainly gives you comfort that s/he didnt storm out of the house ;)
Frei: good sign, as Shevy said it, its hard for us to get the concept , let alone explaining it.
Shevy: ever heard the expression, Learn with a goy "bartnurah".
Frei: Interesting, I never knew that Hindu's do it this way too, at least they waited till he was 27. (in a way I believe it makes it harder at that age though).
Prag: to be honest I related to that, but on a different word (perhaps not in the dictionary).
morning mooch...i for one am from a different breed as i've been told lol....i'm not chassidish but am very connected with the chassidish ways of life...family, friends etc...there are pros and cons to b'shows as there are pros and cons to dating...however to each there should be ground rules...for example i think a shidduch should not be forced and the couple should be free to choose to marry the person they're presented with however it's done (whether dating or b'show)...as far as how much they get to know each other before marriage...do we really know each other until we live together?? coming from someone who dated i can tell you it's a glimpse but far from reality...dating is exciting, fun new...opportunity to spend legal time with the opposite gender...but when you get right down to it after marriage we are also 2 different individuals with different needs and desires and making that mesh can only happen after living with each other for awhile no matter how long or short a person meets, b'shows, dates, etc...just my humble opinon :)
and to answer special with the bed thing...it might just be a sign of what time of the month it is
Open, Very valid point.
TruthSpeaker: Advice: Do not come here and aggrivate yourself. BUt Didint you promise to never visit this blog again??? (Oh that was on a different name... uh hummmmm..)
Asking: I know what you mean, But Yoily?? what do you mean?? (LOL) BTW welcome to bloggggg.
Slik: I have to start ignoring you ;)
Special, Let it change soon.
ok i think i am missing something , what is bshow? or i am reading it wrong? I really cant beleive that their are arranges marraiges these days. I guess i dont know everything that goes on. If it works then so be it, but i cant imagin learning about a person AFTER you are married!
I guess I am too 'modern' to be a part of this discussion. Sounds like fun, though. But to me the whole point was to find someone I already felt comfortable with before marriage. Strange. How can you be intimate if you arent comfortable?
Chaverah, yups still existing.
Frum girl: No one will disagree that it feels weird, but not weirder then having to cut your precious "hair" the night after, (and both usually worl hand by hand). The greater problem is when you get to know each others after a few days, and you get the urge..
KC guy, lol, I prefer Choclate. (still do. )
slik: How would shaking hands change that?
Eshet: the point above commentors were trying to say, was not to be intimate before marrige, but to be in a comfort lever of such.
Chaverah , Frum girl, and all others, not to get into reasoning, but the fact is that precentage of divorces are lower in these communities where you meet thru be-show. Go figure..
NOTE:
As per Prag's appeal.
I have removed word verification for comments.
I hope this will make it easier, and I sure hope we can keep it that way..
Keep off, spammers.
"Chaverah , Frum girl, and all others, not to get into reasoning, but the fact is that precentage of divorces are lower in these communities where you meet thru be-show. Go figure.. "
That's the oldest, stupidest argument out there, moochy (rolls eyes).
The percentage of divorce says nothing about the quality of the marriages in thee communities.
There is more stigma associated with divorce, and more children involved as well, in "these communities".
that's a beautiful sentiment chakiraman....but that feeling still renews for me on mikvah night (is that revealing too much?)
this turned into an interesting blog. I still cant understand meeting eachother after you get married. We all go through so many dates and guys to find one we click with . How could people click after being married if he is the wrong guy???? I cant comprehend.
chakiraman - I totally agree with first time. its just wonderful! It was the BEST feeling. Of course as they say mikvah night as well. BUT really the first first is magic!
Hozen:
Not getting into the argument, so its a myth, but a fact.
Special: no said it cant, we all said it actually IS that way.lol
Limey: Exactly. Thanx
Chak: Lucky you !! :)
Open: Some men HATE mikvah night, since it cant be considered passionate, rather 1-2-3- ready set go.
Caverah, like chak said, first is amazing , if you dated before and you had the build-up and eager to act on it.
Bored: I wish i can answer .
Another: which cicle is that? and welcome to the blog.
Chaki, Go ahead explain yourself :
You make sense..
DM, I dont care what you write or how normal you comment on here, you are sick and so is your blog, please stop testing me.
YOU can NOT comment here as long as your name is connected to your phsyco blog.
Brown eyes: I did NOT say that it is the right way of dating, as a matter of fact, it is beyond me, even though I went thru the system myself. And I certainly did not say that the romance or love is better in any way. I simply stated an undisputable fact that the marrige/divorce ratio, is less,when you compare it to other circles.
As for the reason, you can all be right, yet,there is a possibility that a set up marrige works better , either cause your goals are set different, or your expectations are lower, perhaps cause most of us are naieve, and yes, the reason may also be as in any of the comments above as well.
Thanks browneyed,
DM BUG OFF
Joey: Of course you may have an opinion and you may even be right, but to call a Minhag (custom) that is going back many years-not something the rabbunim of the 2000's came up with- is "straight out of Iran" is a derogatory comment. ( like how can you explain a brith for an 8 days old baby?)
We all know Hashems Mizvahs we do not need to understand and same applies to minhagim. (Did I really need to explain?)
Buchor, welcome, I will check your blog later.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Moochy,
Do you remember the story of Rochel ashis Reb Akiva?
Did you hear the way they slept on straw and it got into her long hair?
Are we chasidishe woman expected to be frummer than Rachel or Og ben Peles's wife?
"hoezen, would you mind having another woman in your house just for your husband to take chances?? "
Hu, I don't get it.
"If I remember correctly, there is also a story of a wife of one of the tanuim, that......
and many Tanuim that can sound like they failed, so would that make it right for us?"
Slik,
What are you implying?
Are you saying that Rachel failed and should have shaved her hair too?
"Cutting a woman's hair, is from the Chasam Sofers times".
Slik,
You don't wear a shpizel, do you?
Do you know that the chasam Sofer said that it is ASUR to wear a shietel, be it synthetic or not?
Why do we pick and chose?
specialx2 ...thought I would talk to you here..cause you said you dont have access to email on the weekend..hope I didnt offend you the other day..
I guess i really am slow Yoely, but what does shaving or not shaving your hair got to do with that?
VAAD: Whatever your point is, try to vent on your own blog.
Buchor: UH huh, keep on dreaming ;)
Normahl: Thanks for enlightning us.
All others: see Normahls comment.
Krezig and Joel,
I am highly flattered that the 2 of you are speculating about me and my life.
Keep it coming.
I'm enjoying the attention
Special,
Do you read yiddish?
Notice- HoezentragerIN.
I've been acccused of being male many times before, then again, I've been accused of worse :)
Joel,
Why should you delete your comments?
Your "friend" told me who you are, all about your life, and what you look like too.
I can understand your frustrations and your need to vent.
If I was in your shoes, I would want to do the same.
So please, keep on writing, you'll find it very therapeutic.
Joel,
I mentioned your looks because they explain your comments and hallucinations very well.....
Need I say more?
Oh well, I figured I am too much woman for most bloggers to handle :)
Moochy-thanks for putting WV to the test!
What a great site » » »
im just dyin for my better half to join me in the shower and go down on me! i cant convince em that its kosher. any advice is welcome. xoxo
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